That Thirsty Flirt

Ah yes, we have returned. Where have we been? Nowhere interesting, and also, none of your godamn business. Yet from the depths of wherever the hell I was, I realized something. That guy has specifically done just men. We're a lot of things here at that guy, but Sexist isn't one of them. Well... kinda. Probably. To a small degree but who isn't. That being said, let this entry be one to chronicle one of the many girls who make our lives a living nightmare. Let us talk about that thirsty flirt.

That thirsty flirt is a member of the mooch family. However, whereas most of us merely feel sorry for the mooch, or in order to not be annoyed give in to his annoying begs for something, that thirsty flirt is a woman. And therein lies the difference. Women tend to have hypnotic powers, usually on their chest and we are cast into a zombie like state when we are near them. It is such a power that the evil woman uses to prey on her male counterparts.

That thirsty flirt has no money of her own, yet does not want to go to a bar and remain sober. Therefore that thirsty flirt will giggle, bat her eye lashes, talk to and otherwise lead on any man who makes eye contact with her. (Similar to a bum panhandling but with tits). This girl will tell you everything you say is interesting and make a guy's ego seem overly inflated. Then, in this catatonic trance of being complimented by a girl and not having adequate blood flow to his brain (blood leaves the logic centers of the brain first), he buys that thirsty flirt a drink. But there in lies the rub. After that thirsty flirt is able to squeeze a drink out of our unlucky gentleman example, she vanishes. Like a fat roommate feasting on your chips while you're not in the room, before you know what's going on, they're gone. That thirsty flirt knows that after a certain amount of drinks, you will get wise to her ploy and cuts her losses. Still dazed and confused from her mammarian magic and dizzy from a lack of blood flow to your brain, you awkwardly stand there. That thirsty flirt then stalks for her next prey.

This is unacceptable. One should not be able to get drinks merited on hotness alone. It is one thing to buy a drink for someone, it is another to lead them on in order to get a drink. I'm sorry, I can't write off "Skankdrink" on my taxes, it looks like you'll have to drink water the rest of the night. It is girls like that who are on Maury, with 12 possible fathers for a baby she had on a night drinking. Classy, fucking classy. I hope she gets fed gasoline on that free drink so her insides rot.

But there is a silver lining. Like all creatures, big and small, her one true weakness is age. Soon her full, supple breasts shall sag and wrinkle like an old Honeydew. Her full lips and beautiful face will slowly start to look like tissue paper on playdough. And her figure will go from attractive to Rosie O'Donnell. Then ladies and gentleman, the most wonderful thing will happen. She will die. Unable to get sustenance, that thirsty flirt will wander bar to bar, trying to find one desperate man who will buy her an inappropriately named drink for her company.

And then, she will resort to walking the streets, just to make herself feel pretty again. And then she will be seen by the men she has scorned. And one by one over the course of her life, she will have to pay back those men for every single drink she had. By drinking something from the men on their own terms.

Everytime that whore swallows, and angel gets his wings, and a hypnotized man, gets his vindication.