That lonely socially awkward coworker guy

To those of you who have ever worked at an office, retail or food service establishment, you are most likely familiar with this guy. This creature brings forth feelings of pity rather than hatred. But in a way you feel when a starving, skinny Boston Terrier tries to attack your leg in hopes of getting some sustenance from it. It's annoying and painful, but you can't help feel sorry for this poor misshapen beast.

What is that guy like? That guy is the very quiet person at his desk who doesn't quite know how to talk to people. That guy can never start a conversation but when you have to talk to that guy, either work related or out of sheer soul-crushing mind numbing boredom and need some distraction, he pounces on your company like a mountain lion on a rabbit.

That guy never has anything interesting to say, nor does he go anywhere with the conversation. However every word that comes out of his mouth is spoken with such zeal in hopes to keep you around for a while that it's almost mesmerizing in a way. You don't care about that guy or what he has to say at all, but to see someone so desperate for human companionship that they would stoop to this inhuman level of fake conversation is just mind boggling. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion while you're eyes are locked with the driver. You can see the car crumple like a soda can and see the force travel through his body, snapping his bones yet just can't look away.

That guy also can't take a hint of how disinterested or bored you are. No matter how you stand, look down the hall, hint at going back to your desk or something else to keep you away from this gravitational well of depressing social monstrosity, he continues to ramble on and on. That guy will either talk about a show and at the end of his rant that would put a movie pitch to shame, he'll say something along the lines of "but it's not that good" or "it's just ok". That sure is one hell of a mixed message that guy, for verbally lashing me in place as you ranted about a magnet engine you saw at youtube and how hydrogen is now obsolete, that it all ends up being not all that interesting.

I believe that guy feeds off of attention and body warmth. My theory is that guy's family hates him. Therefore he needs to suck the attention from someone, as a surrogate mother of sorts. Listen that guy, just because I work with you, does not mean I am going to allow you to suckle on my attention giving teat. Leave me alone.

Yet in all of my dealings and interactions with that guy, I can't quite bring myself to say anything to him. He really is just like a lost, hungry, sad little puppy who is talking to you out of sheer, desperate, crippling desperation. This will be his last chance to see a human close up before he retreats to his studio apartment, sits on the couch and waits another boring, slow, miserable night for Death to come by so he finally has a house guest. I can't hurt him... until I think of the best way to do it. Then I'll have me a laugh. I hate you that guy, shut up about your godamn magnets.